Wake up call
by Joyce3
Summary: Buffy sees Xander in a new light... New version of the story that I once posted here. It was my first story so be gentle!


Title: Wake up call  
  
Author: Joyce  
  
E- mail: funxx18@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: G  
  
Disclaimer: Joss is still king, he owns the show and all the characters in it. I barely own the computer this was written on.  
  
Note: This takes place at the beginning of season 7. Willow just got back from England, Anya is still all vengeance but left Sunnydale. And, even though I kinda like him, Spike did not return from Africa. And I have no intention of letting him return. Why?  Because this is a B/X story. 

This was my first fic, and it really isn't that good, but I polished it up a bit and decided to let you guys read it anyway. Be warned!! Also, it's pure fluff, again, be warned...  
  
Feedback: Please, it really makes my day!!  
  
   
Part 1  
  
Buffy's house.   
  
Willow looked around the living room, sighing. She was trying to cope with the fact that she was really home again. She had been home for a couple of days now, and it was hard. Everyone, with the exception of Xander, still treated her like she was dangerous. Like they expected her to blow up anytime. 

She and Buffy didn't really talk since she came back and Willow decided that enough was enough. Putting on her resolve face, she walked into the kitchen where Buffy was having breakfast with Dawn. 

"Buff, I really need to talk to you. Now."  
  
Buffy just looked at her best friend and knew that she was right. She had avoided this conversation long enough. She turned to her sister.  
  


"Dawn, don't you have classes in about 15 minutes?"  
  
Dawn pouted, then sighed and got up to leave. After her sister left, Buffy started walking around the kitchen nervously. She had no idea what to say to her best friend. Not just because of Willow's trip down bad witch lane, but also because of her own behavior last year.

Willow would have to talk about her pain and the dissaster that followed, but she would have to talk about Spike and the strange relationship she had with him. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that. 

"So......" Willow trailed of, not sure where to begin.  
  


Buffy shook her head. 

"God Will, we're being stupid. You were always my best friend, there's nothing I can't talk to you about, but lately... A lot of stuff has been going on, it hasn't been a good year for any of us. There's Xander and his lack of marriage. And of course, Anya, who has gone back to her old vengeance ways. And lets not forget me and Spike and you....you....well... you know."  
  


"I don't know Buff, I know what I did, I know I'm sorry. But I don't know what you feel about me going....you know. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, if you'll ever see Willow again when you look at me. And that scares me."  
  
Buffy had been facing away from Willow. But when she looked at her there were tears in her eyes. 

"You made a mistake, Will, we all made mistakes last year. You were hurting and I just wanted to help you. I was never angry at you and forgave you a long time ago. It's just, I feel like I don't know you anymore. Seeing you like that was so scary, and I need to trust you again. I don't need to love you again, I never stopped doing that. Besides, I can imagine you feel a little strange about my behavior last year, too. I did some pretty weird things."  

"Not weird, Buff, well ok, a little weird. It's just... How could you have been with Spike for all that time and not tell me. That hurt, you know. Like I wasn't your best friend anymore."

"I was so confused Will, I didn't think that I might hurt you guys by not saying anything. I just wanted something for me alone, I wanted to feel."  

"So, Spike made you feel something?" 

"Yeah, it wasn't love, not at all, it was pretty dark actually. But it was powerful and it make me feel less...it make me feel like I was living again. And after that it was an addiction, this craving I couldn't fight. I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted more and more. By that time I was so ashamed, I just couldn't tell you guys anymore. I felt dirty." 

"I can relate to that, I am so sorry you had to live through last year Buff, I am."  
  
Willow gave her a shaky smile and Buffy suddenly saw the Willow she knew. The Willow she trusted, it was just a moment, but just knowing that she was in there gave her some comfort. Walking over to the witch, she hugged her. Something she hadn't done since she came back. Willow started to cry, letting out the hurt she still felt, the loss she still felt. Buffy just held her and let her cry.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
After Willow and Buffy composed themselves, they had a pleasant morning. They talked some more, watched some tv and were really trying to make their friendship work again. It wasn't like old times, yet, but they both felt that it was a good start. They were just trying to decide what they should do with the rest of their free afternoon when Xander came bursting in.

"Ladies, I know you must have missed me, but have no fear, for I am here now!"  
  
Willow laughed, shaking her head. She loved the fact that Xander could make her laugh, he somehow always knew how to do that. That was why it hurt her to see that Xander was so unhappy. He didn't show it, but she knew.

Xander had been so busy taking care of everybody around him, that he hadn't had time to grief for his own loss. He simply forgot that he had gone to hell and back too. Seeing Anya with Spike, accepting that she was a demon again, not to mention the fact that it took extreme courage to stand up to her on that mountain.

He didn't have time to process this all, because he was always to busy making everbody else forget their pain. His latest project being Buffy, who he had supported during the summer. Not judging her anymore, but trying to help her cope with the pain Willow and Spike had inflicted.  
  
Xander saw that his best friend was spacing out. "Willow, helloooo, are you in there, earth to Willow!"  
  


That got her attention. "Sorry, I was just thinking."  
  
He chuckled. "Will, you gotta stop doing that. Look at me, I never think, I get by in life."  
  
He turned his attention to Buffy. "So, how's my favorite slayer today?"  
  


She rolled her eyes. "Xan, there are only two slayers in the world."  
  


He nodded. 

"Yep, and the other one used me for a night of cheap sex, tried to kill me and is now in jail. Really, the fact that you're my favorite is not as big as it sounds. Although you could always call me for a night of cheap sex.  
Anyway, I came by to ak if my two favorite women in the world wanna go see a movie with me. I took the afternoon off and decided to see my bestest buddies. Who of course jump at the chance to spend some time with me."   
  
Willow looked at Buffy.

 "What do you think, Buff, can we handle him for a whole afternoon?"

  
The slayer pretented to think about it. 

"I think we can take it, yeah."

After deciding which movie they wanted to see, the trio made their way out of the house.  
  
Xander's appartment.   
  
Willow opened the door to Xander's appartment and Buffy and Dawn followed her in. After the movie the three friends had picked up Dawn from school and went to the mall for the rest of the afternoon. They just got back and Dawn couldn't stop talking about this cute boy she had seen.

Xander followed the girls a couple of seconds later. Barely seen by a large amount of shopping bags while he also carried four pizza's. 

"Girls, I could use some help here."

Buffy looked at her friend, grinning.   
"You want me to help you, Xand?"

"That would be really appreciated." 

She stood up and took one pizza from his hands, then made her way into his kitchen and came out with a plate. She sat at his table and took a bite of her pizza. Looking up at Xander with an innocent smile.  
  
He couldn't help but smile back at her. "Thank you so much for that Buff. I will always remember the help you gave me here."  
  
Willow looked at Xander and was suprised by what she saw in his eyes. She looked again to be sure. And again. She stood up. 

"Why don't I help you with the rest of the pizza's in the kitchen, Xand."  
  
"Thank you Will, that would be nice, unlike some people." 

He gave Buffy the finger and followed Willow into the kitchen. Dawn just smiled at the offended look her older sister had on her face.

"Dawn, did Xander just give me the finger?" 

"Yes, sis, he did. Hey, you had it coming."  
  
Buffy laughed. 

"I did, didn't I?"  
  
Xander's kitchen.   
  
Willow was thinking about the best way she could ask Xander what she wanted to know. She couldn't come up with anything, so she decided to just get it out there. 

"Xander, are you going back to your 'Can I have you' fase again?"  
  
He almost dropped the pizza's. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."  

"It's my Xand, and you're smitten with Buffy again. I know because I just saw that look again, the one you used to have when you looked at her. The one I know very well, because I studied you very well back in those days." 

"I am not smitten with Buffy, Will. I'm not sisteen anymore."  
 

She looked at him and it was very clear all of a sudden. 

"You're in love with her..."

He nodded.

"Quilty as charged, and why do you know me so damn well?"

She hugged him. 

"It comes with the best friend job, Xand, it's my destiny to know these things about you."  
  
He pulled her to him tighter. "Sometimes I hate this destiny we have." 

His voice became heavy with emotion. 

"Will, what am I going to do? I just got out of a relationship with a girl I wanted to marry, and now I can only think about Buffy. Somewhere in the last couple of weeks I fell in love with her. Head over heels. And before you ask me, this is not a rebound thing. This is real. Scary real. Not even resembling anything I ever felt for Anya real. I just don't know what to do about it." 

"I can't tell you what to do Xand, I don't know either."  
  
He placed a kiss in her hair. 

"You're here. That's enough. Besides I've got to know by now that my love life always sucks. Beyond words. Let's get back in there. Before Dawn comes storming in here, claiming her pizza."  
  
He walked out of the kitchen. Willow stayed behind a couple of seconds. A smile forming on her lips. 

"I really don't know if she loves you Xand, but I am going to make her see what a great guy you are. God knows, I would be all over you if you were a girl. It's time for Buffy to stop dating the losers she has dated and fall for a nice guy for once... One who isn't dull as hell..."

  
With that she left the kitchen. Willow Rosenberg was on a new mission.  
  
Part 2

  
Buffy's house.   
  
It had been four days since Xander shared his secret with Willow and she decided that is was time for some action. She had been thinking long about the first thing to do. She needed to show Buffy that Xander was a goodlooking guy. Of course, physical attraction was only the first step into the 'Buffy must fall in love with Xander' campaign, but it was a start. 

It wasn't as easy as it sounded. Xander had done nothing wrong. He had been around for over six years now, looking good. Well, in the right clothing. Buffy had failed to see that, over and over and over again. It was going to be a real battle. Willow walked down the stairs into the living room where Buffy was. Dawn was out on a date, so the slayer was watching tv alone. 

"Buff, you're spending way to much time on that couch. You need to get out there again. Right now, your younger sister has more dates then you."

The slayer barely looked up.

"Don't wanna date Will, besides who would I date? I don't know any date worthy guys."

Willow smiled, this was heading in the good direction.

"Of course you do Buff, I mean there's.... and there's...And what about..."

Buffy shook her head.

"You see, no date worthy guys."

Willow decided that is was time to drop the bomb. Pretenting like she just thought about this.

"I know! I know! What about Xander?"

"What about him?"

  
 "You could date Xander. He's sweet, good looking and he would do anything for you."

  
Buffy looked at the witch like she was crazy. 

"He's my best friend, I don't think of him like that." 

"So, you don't think Xander is a nice, date worthy, good looking guy?" 

"Will, he's Xander, I don't know, he's just Xander...What's going on with you?"  
  
Willow panicked, she had to think of an explanation for this conversation fast.

"Well, I...well.. If you think..about everything we've been through together... I mean, it's kinda odd that you were never attracted to Xander. I mean, you're the only one of us."  

"Don't you think you are exaggerating a little bit, Will?" 

"I am not. I was attracted to him, Cordelia was, Dawn was at some point, Anya was. Those are pretty much all the women he has hang out with the last couple of years except for you. I dare you Buff... I dare you to wake up and see the hottie that is Xander for once."

"This is silly,Will. But oke, if it means that much to you. The next time I see Xander I will try to see him as the hottie you think he is. Even though you're gay now."  
  
Willow snorted.

"I'm gay, not blind. Anyhow, you will not be dissapointed, I promise." 

"Yeah, yeah," the slayer said before returning her attention to the tv.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Willow went back to her room. Part of the mission was completed. She called Xander.

 "Xander." 

"Hey Xand, it's Willow. I need you to come over tonight. But I want you to change into something that looks good on you." 

"Are you impying that I don't look good in all these fabulous outfits I always wear? Oh, and also, what the hell are you talking about?" 

"I'm not implying anything, I'm merely saying that I want you to look good, which isn't to say that you normally don't look good, of course you do Xand, but I just want you to look extra good, because..."  
  


He interrupted. 

"You are so not making any sense, what are you babbling about?"

"Trust me Xand, just come over in a little while and look stunning. Wear that tight pair of jeans. If you have a butt like that, you might as well show it. It's really wasted in those baggy pants. See you soon. Bye Xand."  
  
Xander's appartment   
  
Xander looked at his phone like it had been turned into a giant rat. After a full minute of staring he finally put the phone down. Mumbling something about women and how he would never understand them, even the ones he knew for 22 years.

He made is way into his closet, taking out his tight jeans. He told himself that he was a big idiot for doing this while he put them on. That didn't stop him for taking out his favorite shirt however. And he really didn't want to think about the fact that he put on the black leather jacket that been hanging in his closet for two months. He had bought it, but never wore it, deciding that it wasn't him. He looked at himself in the mirror. It would have to do.

Grabbing his keys, he made his way out of the appartment. He was so lost in thought that he didn't see his nextdoor neighbour walking past him in the hallway. He also didn't see that she almost turned her head a full circle looking at him walking away. That minute, his neighbour decided that she really needed to borrow some sugar from him soon. She looked at him one last time and walked into her appartment.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy was still looking tv, playing the strange conversation with Willow over and over in her mind. Her best friend had acted weird. She had been lying a little bit however, she did notice Xander looking good sometimes. But she always ignored it. And most of the time he would have on this really ugly piece of clothing she could focus on to distract her from the nice parts of him.

Angry at herself for thinking about Xander's nice parts, she watched tv again. At the exact same moment Xander run into her house. She didn't look up, and told him that Willow was upstairs. She heard him walking up the stairs. Buffy sighed.

"I am so glad we gave him a key so he can run to Willow everytime something is wrong..."

Xander knocked on Willow's door. He heard her say come in and walked into the room. Willow looked at him and then nodded her approval. 

"You look great, really sexy." 

He blushed. 

"What was the big deal with me having to look sexy all of a sudden?" 

"Nothing really, I just had a bet with Dawn. I told her that you could look just as hot as her new boyfriend but she didn't believe me. She already left, so you will have to convince her some other time. Wanna hang out with me and Buffy tonight?" 

"You made me rush over here for a bet? Will, are you crazy, I was worried." 

"Don't be a big baby and come downstairs with me."

She left the room. He followed her after a couple of seconds. 

"My lesbian best friend made a bet with a 16 year old about my being a hottie. I so need a life..."  
  
Buffy looked up when she heard someone come down the stairs. It was Willow. 

"Remember Buffy, he's here now, see the hottie..."  

"Alright Will, jeezz, you would think somebody's life depended on it, really I don't see what...."  
  
She stopped talking when she saw Xander coming into the room. He looked incredible. His hair was messed up because he had been running, he had on a black leather jacket which made him look even better, and... he was smiling at her.

"Hey Buff."  
  
She knew that she was supposed to say something back. 

"Hi." 

It sounded sexy and she blushed. Xander looked at the girl he was in love with and wondered if he had something between his teeth. She was looking at him a little bit to strange. He smiled nervously. 

"I guess I better go hang up my jacket."  
  
He turned around and Buffy blushed even more. He had on a pair of jeans that was clinging to him in all the right places. She looked at his butt and suddenly wished she was the pair of jeans. What a life that pair of pants had. He turned around after hanging up his jacket. She made a little sound. As if the jeans weren't unfair enough, he was wearing a tight white t-shirt. How the hell did he get al this muscles, where did they come from? 

"Buff, Buffy,Bufster, are you alright?"  
  
She finally heard that he was talking to her. 

"Yeah, Xand, I'm fine. Let's watch some tv."  
  
The three people made themselves comfortable on the couch. Willow had to hide her grin. She saw the look on Buffy's face and she knew that what she saw was lust. Buffy had finally seen Xander for the guy he was. But she also knew that she had to do something fast now. Buffy would probably try to forget that this ever happened. She got up to get some drinks. When she came back she pretented to fall and spilled al the drinks on Xander's shirt. 

"Will! I already showered today. Thanks! Look at my shirt, I like this shirt. It's soaked!"

 "I'm so sorry, Xand. Look I'll make it up to you. I'll wash your shirt right now. I'm really sorry." 

"You don't have to wash it Will. But could you maybe get me a blanket or something? This really feels sticky."  
  
Willow went to get a blanket while Xander took of his shirt. Buffy, who had been recovering from the shock of Xander as a sexy male, forgot to breath all of a sudden. He did not only have muscles, but he also had a six pack. And he had this cute little hairs, just the way she liked them. Not to much, but enough to be sexy. Why has he been hiding al of this, she thought, he should be wearing no shirt all the time. At that moment Willow returned with a blanket. One look at Buffy let the redhead know that her plan had succeeded. Xander was no longer just the best friend. He had been promoted to incredibly sexy best friend.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Xander had left, telling the girls that he had to get up early tommorow to get to work. Once he left Willow turned to Buffy. 

"You liked what you saw, you thought he was sexy, you think the Xandman is a tasty hunk of meat!"

She was bouncing up and down the room, grinning like a fool. Buffy blushed and almost turned purple.

"Alright, he's good looking. I mean he's got the six pack going and the muscles and the jeans and his butt and I guess he has a gorgeous smile and his hair can get al messed up, but in a good way, and he has the sweetest eyes and.....and... OH MY GOD!!... I'm talking about Xander! Will, there's no good here, this is Xander! I can't be attracted to Xander. That's almost like incest. And Dawn would kill me because he was her first crush , a-and I just can't seem to get the image of his butt out of my mind."  
  
She burried her face in her hands. 

"Will, this is not good, I need to stop this."

"Why do you wanna stop this, I mean... give this a chance. You haven't been attracted to anyone since Spike. Xander is really a big step up. And it's not like you would have to marry him tommorow or even date him for that matter. But you could figure out if this is going anywhere.You know he woud never hurt you. He already knows all you dark secrets and he's still around. This may be a good thing." 

"No, Willow, it's not. I know that he's a great guy. But I can't risk falling for him. He's way to important and he already has the power to hurt me. I hate it when we fight and he's not around. I can't feel more for him and risk not having him in my life at all. If it doens't work, I will lose him. I can't lose him."  
  
Buffy made her way to the stairs. Willow stopped her. 

"I can understand that you're scared. But I think you're overthinking it a little bit.  Just relax, and allow yourself to see where this can go. And you know you can never lose him, no matter what."

Buffy shook her head.

"I can't Will, I can't."

Willow tried one more time.

"You just admitted that you hate it when he's not around. Best friends mean a lot to each other, I know that. But, ask yourself this Buff, did you feel just as bad when I was gone this summer? Or is fighting with Xander and not having him around, even for the smallest amount of time, hurting you in a far more complicated way? Think about that before you decide that you can never have feelings for him. Maybe you already have in some way."  
  
Buffy turned around and rushed up to her room, clearly upset. Willow stayed behind.

"He already means so much to you Buff. I just wish you would see that he would be perfect for you..."  
  
Part 3  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy and Dawn entered the house, both laughing. They had spend part of there Saturday at the mall, shopping of course. It had been a month since the 'Xander with no shirt accident' and Buffy had been avoiding him. Thinking somehow that not seeing him would make everything better. It didn't. Not only did she miss him around, she also couldn't get the image of him out of her mind. He had looked so good and somehow not different at all. Which meant that he looked that way all the time. Only in different clothing. 

But that still didn't justify that she never really noticed his eyes or his smile. How could she have missed that smile? Was she blind or something? Buffy sighed and wished that she'd never seen Xander the way she had seen him. The old, comfortable, goofy Xander was so much better for her nerves.

Willow looked at her best friend. She had been so happy about her plan working. But the last week she hadn't been so sure about it. Buffy was acting weird, avoiding Xander and being nervous all the time. 

Xander was miserable, he didn't understand why Buffy would avoid him all of a sudden. Not to mention the fact that he was already suffering from loving her that much and not being able to tell her. In short, Willow's plan started out great but left the two main characters pretty much in despair. And the redhead had no idea what to do about it. She heard the door open and turned to see Xander coming in. A very angry Xander. He walked over to Buffy. 

"You know what Buff, I've had enough of this 'avoid Xander yet again' thing you got going on. I've already lived trough this once when you dumped me in my basement and I won't do it again. So, I suggest you stop treading me like your buttmonkey. Fast. 

I'm your best friend and I deserve better. Either you stop this shit right now and tell me what the hell is going on or you keep avoiding me. Which is fine, but don't expect me to be there once you get over this avoiding thingy of yours. I won't be around."  
  
Buffy just looked at him. She had never seen him this angry or hurt and she couldn't really understand why. But when she imagined what the last month must have been like for him, she calmed down. She had been avoiding her best friend for no reason. If he had done the same thing to her, she would have been angrier. She had to think of a lie, fast.

"I'm so sorry Xand, I didn't mean to shut you out. I just had a bad couple of weeks. The stuff from last year kinda came back to haunt me. I haven't been much fun for anybody. I guess I avoided you even more because you reminded me of the way I felt in the summer. I just couldn't deal." 

"You could have come to me Buff, explain it to me. I would have understand and I would have stayed out of your hair for a while. This hurt me, don't do that to me again. Ever."  
  
She hugged him. "I won't. I'm sorry Xand, I really am."  
  
He held her like he never wanted to let her go, because to him this was where she belonged, in his arms. After a while it came to him that he clung to her a little to hard. He had to let her go. So, unwillingly, he did. He looked into her eyes. 

"Is everything ok now, or do you want me to stay away from you for a while? I mean... if you still need to sort things out."  
  
She knew that he would do that for her is she asked him. And it made her realise that he would do anything to make sure she was happy. Including being away from her. It would kill him, but he would do it anyway. For her. 

"No Xand, I have dwelled in the past long enough this past month.I want you to stay. In fact, I missed you so very much, I almost demand you to stay."  
  
He kissed her forehead. "Your wish is my command, my lady."  
  
He walked away to talk to Willow and Dawn. Meanwhile, Buffy realised that she found him just as attractive today, in his regular clothes, as a month ago. Not to mention the fact that it felt right to be in his arms. She wasn't ready to examine why yet. And she didn't even want to think about the thrill she had felt when he kissed her just now. The feelings were to new and way to scary to cope with.  
  
The cemetary   
  
Buffy was out on patrol, alone. Xander and Willow offered to come with, but she turned them down. Saying that she could handle it on her own. Besides it had been kinda quiet lately. So that was why she was just sitting on a gravestone, waiting for some action. She hated this slow evenings, it got boring and it gave her way much time to think.

There had been no more fights between Xander and Buffy the last couple of weeks. Things had gone back to their old ways. He would come over, help in the Scooby gang activities, or they would hang out at his place. He even went on patrol with her on a regular basis. Sometimes with Willow, other times it would just be the two of them. 

So life was normal again. Except for the fact that it hadn't felt normal to Buffy. The things they did hadn't changed, the way Buffy reacted to them had. She never had the urge to hug Xander when he would come by, lately she had. She never wanted to just snuggle up to him when they were watching a movie, lately she did. She never wanted to go to him first when things got bad, lately she couldn't help herself. He was the first thing she thought about when things got hard.

And the thing that scared her the most was that she never felt like she wanted to kiss Xander. But, the last couple of weeks, that had been all she could think about. Kissing him. Wondering what it would feel like to have him near her in that intimate way. And this was only during the day, the things she would dream at night didn't stop at the kissing. Her dreams would give a clear picture of what it would be like to make love to him.

Needless to say that it was getting harder for Buffy to resist these feelings everyday. But, no matter how much she wanted to kiss him or make love to him, she wouldn't. This would blow over, this was just a fase. Soon, he would be wacky Xander to her again. He had to be. Because she couln't be in love with him. She wasn't in love with him. This was just because she hadn't been with a guy since Spike and she was lonely. If only her heart would see that too...everything would be ok again. 

Buffy was rudely taken away from her thoughts when a vampire attacked her from behind. Thankfully she turned around to take him. 

"I'm so glad you showed up, because I was bored and thinking way to much. About very wrong things."

He punched her on the fase, hard. It kinda hurt a little and made her angry.

"And you wanna play, I'm always ready to play." 

The vampire was new to Sunnydale and hadn't been informed about this thing called 'the slayer' yet. He tried, but he didn't stand a chance. After she dusted him, she decided to head home. She sighed. 

"Nothing like a good slay to keep your mind of things you really shouldn't be thinking about..."  
  
Xander's appartment.   
  
Buffy really intented to go home but somehow she was standing in front of his appartment. Her mind told her to walk away, to go home and sleep. Without any Xander love making dreams. Her heart had already knocked on his door. She heard him stumble in his appartment and then a muffled sound was heard. A couple of seconds later he opened the door. In his boxers, sleepy and holding his left toe. He saw her standing there and looked more awake immediately.

"Buffy, are you ok? You're hurt, your face is bleeding."

He pulled her into his appartment while she tried to understand what he was saying. Her face was bleeding? She remembered the punch the vampire had given her. She had felt it, but didn't know that she was actually bleeding from it.  
He sat her on the couch and walked away to come back with an emercency kit. He tenderly cleaned her wound. 

"It looks fine without the blood, but if you need a bandage." 

"Nah, I don't think bandages bring out my natural complexion. This is fine."  
  
He smiled at her comment. 

"I think you're natural complexion always looks fine, no matter what, but it's your call."  
  
He put the emercency kit on the table and sat next to her on the couch. 

"So, do you wanna tell me why you're here. Don't get me wrong I like it, but you don't normally stop by after patrol."  
  
She suddenly found her fingers fascinating. 

"I was just in the neighbourhood." 

"You were in the neighbourhood and decided to stop by at my place at 1.45 in the morning. C'mon Buff, I am not the smartest of the Scooby's, but that 's a stupid reason." 

"I don't know why I'm here."

She wispered it so softly, that he wasn't sure she had spoken at all. 

"Whatever it is, you know you can tell me. I'm Xander remember. My own life sucks, but I am pretty good at making somebody elses life better. Talk to me."  
  
She just looked at him. The way he was looking at her. His messed up hair. The fact that he was so close to her in only a boxer. He smiled at her to ecourage her to talk and she was lost. She stopped thinking and leaned in to kiss him.

Xander felt Buffy's lips touch his and forgot to breath or do anything at all for a second. He just couldn't believe that Buffy Summers was kissing him, Xander Harris,  former town loser. She was kissing him! He decided that this was a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. So he kissed her back. Putting all his experience into the kiss.

He knew the broomcloset time with Cordy, the fluke with Willow and his time with Anya happened for a reason. It all happened for this moment. Xander Harris was not a rocket scientist, but he could kiss. 

Buffy felt that Xander was in complete shock the second she pressed her lips on his. It only lasted a couple of seconds and then he started to kiss her back. Biting her upper lip gently and tracing her lips with his tung before entering her mouth. She stopped thinking all together, this guy could kiss... 

They kept kissing until the need for air was to much. As soon as their lips parted, Buffy realised what she had done. She had kissed him and she liked it. She liked it so much that she completly forgot the world around her. She didn't remember ever liking a kiss that much. 

The moment she thought that, she got scared. Scared for her feelings, scared for the need she had to touch him again. She had to get out of here, away from him and these feelings she couldn't understand. She got up and run out of his appartment. Her confusion made her even faster and before Xander was off the couch to follow her, she was already out of his building. Running home, not allowing herself to think.

Xander run out of his appartment too, but by the time he reached the street she was nowhere in sight. He realised that she wouldn't talk to him, even if he did find her. He went back into his appartment. He still couldn't believe it. They had kissed and it had been even better than he ever imagined it could be. Of course, she had run away after the kiss, so maybe she didn't like it that much. But somehow he failed to believe that. He had seen the look in her eyes. She had felt it too. He had also seen the fear in her eyes and he knew that he had a long way to go before she would admit that she had feelings for him. It didn't matter. Tonight had shown him how things could be between them. He was willing to wait forever.  
  
Part 4  
  
Xander's appartment   
  
Of course Xander didn't know that forever was going to be hell. It had been three weeks since the kiss and things went downhill from that moment. Buffy didn't start avoiding him again, but she wouldn't be alone with him either. He would come by and she would be okay with that, as long as Willow or Dawn were there. She hadn't been in his appartment since it happened, making up excuses everytime the gang wanted to hang out there. And he wasn't allowed to touch her. Not a friendly hug, not even a brush of his fingers against hers. She would pull away. 

Xander sighed, it was Sunday today and Willow asked him to come by, saying that she missed them hanging out together. But, Buffy would be there too, and that was the 'not so much fun' part. A part of him was glad as hell that he got to see her but another part of him was already dreading the moment. Knowing that he wasn't allowed to get close to her. 

Suddenly an evil smile lit up his face. She wouldn't touch him alright, but he would make sure that she would fine that very difficult... He made his way to his shower and 30 minutes later a much happier Xander left his appartment.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy was in her room. Just sitting there, thinking. He would come by today, and she had to see him. She already thought of excuses to not be here. But she knew that Willow would not let her go. She had never been more confused in her life. Well, maybe not in here life, but this definitely ranked high in the 'Buffy is confused' top ten. She knew she had been acting stupid around him. Not being alone with him, not even if it was for 10 seconds, and refusing to touch him. Which was hard, because she wanted nothing more than to touch him or be alone with him. But, her fear of what might happen was even bigger.

After Spike she had promised herself never to act on lust again. And after Riley she had promised herself never to love again. A part of her knew that she had failed in both her promises. Xander had managed to get to her heart and get her crazy with lust at the same time. She wasn't ready to admit that to herself however. And she would never tell Xander. It would go wrong and she would be heartbroken again. This time without Xander to fall back on. She wouldn't do that. She needed him to much. Downstairs she heared the door open and a voice calling. 

"Willow, Buffy, Dawnster, are you here?"

The door of the room next to her openend and Dawn made her way down the stairs, greeting him. Although she heared her sister stutter a bit. Buffy knew she would have to go downstairs too. She just needed to work up the courage. 

Xander looked up and saw Dawn coming down the stairs. He also saw her gasp and blush. He grinned, one of the Summer sisters down. He could only hope that he had the same effect on the other sister. 

"Hey Dawnster, how are things with the oh so great Nick?"

 "H-h-he's fine. Just fine. S-so how are you?"  
  
Dawn cursed herself for acting like an idiot around him. She wasn't fourteen anymore. She was sixteen now and her crush on Xander was way in the past. And there was Nick, her boyfriend. Of course, he didn't.... Dawn realised that Xander was talking to her. She had to pay attention. Now. 

"I'm fine Dawnie. So where's my favorite redhead today?" 

"Right here, my favorite brownhead."  
  
Willow walked into the room. Smiling when she saw her best friend. He had brought out the big guns. Which was good. Willow didn't know what happened between her two best friends. But she had noticed Buffy's behavior. At first she thought that they had a fight. But she quickly dismissed that when she saw how Xander would still look at Buffy like she was his world. She then realised that Buffy's behavior had nothing to do with lack of feelings. She was afraid, scared to death. 

So, Xander bringing out the big guns was good. It would take some pretty big guns to break through Buffy's fear. Willow realised that she was mind babbling and focused her attention back to the people around her.

At that moment Buffy walked in the room. Only to stop dead in her tracks when she saw Xander. He had on the 'see Xander as a hottie'outfit. She looked at him, angry. 

He smiled, like nothing was wrong, and turned to Willow. Buffy couldn't decide if she wanted to kill Xander for wearing that outfit or throw him on the floor and make love to him until he couldn't remember his own name. Of course, she did neither. Until he walked over to her and played even dirtier. 

"Hey Buff, how are you today?"

And he hugged her, he pulled her to his chest and locked her in his arms. Her mind was screaming to get away from him, but her body was feeling his body against hers and for a while it just felt to good. But she had to pull away, and she did. Making her way to the kitchen, mumbling something about sandwiches. She didn't realise that it had taken her a full minute before she could pull herself away from him...  
  
Willow looked at Xander. 

"You know you're playing dirty, don't you?" 

"Yeah, Will, I know. But I have to do something. You saw that. She has strong feelings for me but she's so scared. I needed to remind her of the heat we have between us."  
  
Dawn opened her mouth. 

"She doesn't just have strong feelings. I think she loves you. I mean, really loves you. I know her."  
  
She looked at the kitchen and then back at Xander. 

"I also know that she's not in the kitchen right now. I think she left. And I don't think she's coming back soon. Not as long as you're still here."  
  
They walked into the kitchen to see that Dawn was right. Buffy wasn't there and the backdoor was wide open. Xander sighed and then slammed the backdoor closed. Completly frustrated. 

"She might love me, but she doesn't want to be near me."

He looked at Willow and Dawn, near desperation. 

"I don't know guys, I just don't know...I don't know what to do anymore."  
  
Dawn hugged him and wispered in his ear. 

"This may be harsh, but she needs to know what you mean to her. I have a plan."  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy entered her house, to see Willow at the stairs waiting for her. 

"Buff, where have you been?  We've been worried sick. What's wrong with you lately?" 

Buffy didn't answer and looked around. Willow knew what she was looking for. 

"He isn't here. He left."  
  
Buffy still didn't say anything. 

"You hurt him today Buff, and you have been hurting him for some time now. This is scary for him too, you now."  
  
Tears started falling from Buffy's eyes when she finally spoke.

 "I've never been so scared in my whole life Will...I think, I think..."  
  
She stopped talking.

"You think you love him, I know." 

"I don't want to love him."  
  
It came out as a whisper and she started crying harder. Willow just let her friend cry and waited for her to calm down a bit. 

"You think this has been easy for Xander?"  
  
Buffy flinched when she spoke his name but Willow continued. 

"He's terrified Buffy. He has been for some time now. You see he didn't think he would ever love somebody again after Anya. He didn't want to love, but then you came along. Again. And while helping you deal in the summer he fell in love with you. Only this time it wasn't some teenage crush. It was real. It was the 'I wanna grow old with you and have your children kinda love'. 

I know Xander, Buffy, he never felt that before. Not even with Anya. So he repressed it, knowing that you would never feel that way. But you see, his luck changed. Because lately you have been seeing him differently. Haven't you?"  
  
Buffy just nodded, and wanted to go upstairs.

"I'm not finished Buffy. The story isn't finished. You see, Xander had never been happier. He loved you and suddenly there were signs that said you loved him back. Only you, the woman of his dreams, is afraid to love him. Doesn't want to. And that hurt him so much. Because no matter how terrified he was, he was never afraid to love you."  
  
Buffy looked at her best friend. Confused, still scared, but also a little hopeful. 

"I need to think about this Will."  
  
She went upstairs to her room. Willow watched her go. 

"You're still scared. But it doens't matter. There's still plan B waiting..."

  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy was still thinking about what Willow had said. She had a lousy day at work. Not being able to concentrate on anything. She felt that Willow was right. She was a coward, but she just couldn't get herself to be with Xander the way she wanted to be. She had accepted that she loved him , but she had been hurt to much. It wasn't anything Xander did. It was what Angel, Parker, Riley, Spike and her dad had done. And she wished she could only blame them, but she knew she was to blame to. She had let some of these men hurt her. So, she had made a decision. She would go to his appartment and tell him that, even though she loved him, they could never be together.  
  
Xander's appartment   
  
Buffy knocked on his door. She waited for him to open but nothing happened. She knocked again. 

"Xander, it's Buffy. Are you there? Xander!"

Still no response. She took the key he had given her out of her purse and entered the appartment. Maybe she could leave him a note. It wasn't the best way to handle this, but then again, she already admitted to herself that she was a coward.

She noticed that the appartment was empty. He really wasn't there. She also saw that he had cleaned. She smiled, he almost never did that. She got scared when she noticed his comics weren't there. She entered his bedroom. Again everything was clean. She opened his closet and found it empty. Staring at the empty closet for a while she suddenly ran out of the appartment.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy stormed into her house, completly panicked. 

"Willow, Willow, are you here?"  
  
Willow came running at the sound of her voice.

 "Buff, what's wrong? You're trembling. Sit down."  
  
She led her to the couch. 

"No! I can't sit. I need to find him. He's gone. I just went by to see him and he's gone. He even took his comics." 

"I know Buffy."  
  
It took a second before Buffy realised what Willow said. She turned to look at her. 

"You know?" 

"Yeah, he left yesterday. After the hug incident. He made me promise not to tell you until you found out on your own. I guess he was afraid you would try and find him. Or stop him." 

"Where did he go?" 

"He didn't tell me. He said he didn't want to put me in the middle. He left a letter for you."  
  
Willow got up and went to her room to return with a letter. It said Buffy in Xander's handwriting. She gave it to her and left. Buffy looked at the letter a long time before opening it.

'_Dear Buffy, I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to say goodbye to you. I just didn't know if I could go after seeing you. And I needed the strenght to do this. You already know that I love you. I've never been good at hiding that. Will took one look at my face and saw it. But she's always been good at that. I wish I could have stayed and be happy with you. I wish I could have made you happy. You deserve that so much. I just couldn't do it anymore._

_Stay around to see that you care for me, but will never be with me. It hurt to much. That and I wanted to throw you on the floor a couple of times and make love to you. It would have got me arrested. You know, that whole thing where you can't attack a woman against her will. And I really don't look good in orange. It makes me look pale. I'm babbling aren't I? Sorry, I really wanted this to be a mature letter, without any Xander witt. I guess I can only be me._

_Just remember that I'll always love you and take care of yourself. Don't be so scared the next time you think you love somebody. Even if you can't be happy with me, I still want you to be happy. I just never want to hear about it.. Sorry, another flash of Xander witt here... _

_Tell Dawn I love her. Tell her she needs to watch her back when she turns 18.  And please take care of Willow for me. Tell her that she's my soul. The one who made me who I am today. I'll write her as much as I can. _

_I'll never forget you Buff. And even though I'm not with you, I'll still fight at your side. You taught me how to love.  
_  
_Xander_  
  
Buffy clenched the letter to her chest and started crying. She cried until she was to tired to produce any more tears and fell asleep.   
  
Part 5  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Two weeks had gone by since Xander left and Buffy was a complete mess. She had called her work to tell them she was sick and hadn't left the house since. Staying in bed almost all of the time. Willow and Dawn really didn't know what to do anymore. 

"Dawn, this isn't working. Look at her. She's going crazy. She'll never admit she loves him. At least not to his face, but she needs him so much. She's not much fun without him..." 

"She's coming around, Will, I know she..."  
  
Dawn trailed of when Buffy walked into the kitchen. A fully clothed Buffy. And smiling, for the first time in two weeks. 

"Hey guys!"  
  
She walked over to the fridge and took out some leftover pizza. Warming the pizza up, she started eating like a madman. Willow and Dawn just stared with their mouths open. Finally, after the last piece of pizza was gone, Buffy looked at her best friend and her sister. 

"I've come to a decision. I'm not going to be depressed anymore. Today is the first day of the rest of my life."  
  
And with that she left the kitchen. Willow was panicking. 

"See Dawn, this was a bad plan. She's already over him. What are we going to do? We can't leave Xander..." 

"Will, just follow Buffy. Talk her out of this. Go!"  
  
Willow quickly got up and followed her friend. 

"Buff, you can't be over Xander this quick. I mean...this...you just can't be. I thought you loved him."  
  
Buffy had a suprised look on her face. 

"Will, what are you babbling about? I'm not over Xander. But I won't be depressed either. I made this mess and I'm going to fix this. I'm going to find him. Bring him home."  
  
Before Willow could comprehend what she had said, Buffy left the house. The witch rushed back to the kitchen. 

"Dawn, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that she's come to her senses. The bad news is that she wants to find him. We've got to call Xander." 

"Then call him, Buffy will kill us once she finds out we pulled this." 

"Right, call him."  
  
Willow dialed the number she had dialed many times the last few weeks.

"Sunnydale Inn, how may I help you?" 

"I would like to be connected to room 25 please."

 "Just a moment."  
  
A couple of seconds later. 

"Hi." 

"Xan, it's Willow. We've got a problem. Buffy finally decided she misses you to much."

"Why's that a problem? That's why we did this disappear act of mine. And by the by, I was going crazy in this hotel. There's only so much you can do here." 

"You don't understand. She said she's going to find out where you are. With her contacts in this town it will not take her a long time to find out you never left Sunnydale but stayed in a hotel." 

"Maybe she'll laugh when she finds out. Instead of killing us, I mean, you never know."  
  


Willow rolled her eyes. 

"Xan, we let her think you left town forgood in order to make her see that she loves you and needs you. The plan worked out, but somehow I doubt if Buffy sees the genius in this plan. She's been to hell and back the last two weeks."  
  


He sighed.

"Ok, ok, I'm on my way Will. When she finds out I better face one angry slayer with you guys there to protect me." 

"See you soon." 

"By Will."  
  
Xander hung up the phone and started packing up his things. He would drop them of at his appartment before he went over to Buffy's house. He was a bit confused about what he should be feeling at this point. A part of him was estatic because Buffy finally realised she wanted to be with him. The other part was scared to dead of what she would do once she found out about their plan. And then a new thought entered his mind. 

What if Buffy decided that she still couldn't be with him but wanted him home because she missed him to much as her best friend? No matter the outcome, Xander knew it was time to face the music. He just hoped it would be happy music.  
  
Buffy's house   
  
Buffy entered her house, screaming. 

"Willow, Dawn, are you here?"  
  
They emerged from the kitchen. 

"He never left. He never left! That jackass let me think he was gone for two whole weeks and he never left! He was in a hotel the whole time!" 

"We know..."  
  
As soon as they said it they jumped back, waiting for Buffy's outburst. They didn't have to wait long.

"You knew! You guys knew!"  
  
Since Dawn was to scared to speak right now, Willow decided to step in. 

"Yeah, you see...This was our plan...We planned this. And at the time it seemded like a good plan...I mean...Of course it wasn't....But it seemed good...A real good plan."

"This was a plan. For what? You wanted Xander to review the roomservice there? Or maybe you wanted to see if I could get fired if I didn't go to work. Please tell me what this genius plan was all about." 

"We wanted to make you see that you were scared for nothing. That a life without him is much worse then taking a chance and loving him."  
  
Dawn found her speach again. 

"I thought it would work. All the talking in the world wouldn't have convinced you. So, I decided we needed to play a bit rougher."  
  
Buffy looked at her sister and very slowly a smile was seen on her face.

"You thought of this plan.... Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed, but I gotta admire my little sister's genius here. Not half bad. Of course, if you ever do it again I'll kill you."  
  
She turned to Willow. 

"The same goes for you. But, right now I have more important problems. By the time I got to his hotel room Xander wasn't there anymore. Where is he?" 

"I'm here."  
  
Xander came walking out of the kitchen. 

"Sorry I didn't show myself the minute you walked in. But I was kinda busy being a chicken and to be fair you didn't scream my name, so I really had no reason to...  
  
He stopped talking when Buffy run over to him and jumped him with such force they both landed on the floor.Willow and Dawn looked at the couple and smiled.

"Eh guys, me and Dawn are going out to the movies. You'll have a lot to talk about."  
  
They left, noticing that the couple didn't even saw them leave. They were to busy staring into each others eyes.  
Xander looked at the woman who had him pinned to the ground. She looked more beautiful then ever. He had missed her so much the last two weeks. It was the longest time away from her since that horrible summer in which she was dead. He vowed to never leave her that long, ever again, in his life.  
Buffy looked into the eyes of the guy beneath her and wondered how she could have missed the beauty of them for so long. She also wondered why she had spent so much time being afraid of the love she saw in his eyes. She bent her head and kissed him. It was like their first kiss. Only better because she wasn't afraid anymore. She could never be afraid of something so pure as these feelings between them. Not anymore.  
After a long moment they stopped kissing and Buffy pressed her forehead against his.

"I love you."  
  
Xander's face broke out in a huge smile. 

"What took you so long?" 

"I'm a slow learner. And don't you think for one second that the fact that I love you will make me less mad about this stupid plan you guys had."

He grinned. 

"Hey, it worked. All is fair in love and war."  
  
His face got serious. 

"But before you get mad at me... Can I just tell you something?"

"What?"

"I love you, too."  
  
Buffy heared him saying the words and revelled in the warm feelings they stirred up. 

"Good, because I intend to keep you for a long time. Loving me will make that time easier I think."

"Yeah, I think so too."  
  
Buffy cupped his face between her hands. 

"I can't promise you we'll be together forever. I can promise you however that I'll never be afraid of the fact that I love you again. And I can also promise you that it would take some pretty big evil to take me away from you. Is that something you can life with?" 

"Well, I've had better proposals. But I think I'll agree to this anyway. Seeing how you're Buffy and I've never loved anybody more, I have no choice but to agree. You got me hooked, you evil woman!!"  
  
Buffy grinned, feeling happy. This man was her destination. He wasn't perfect and he wasn't Angel or Riley or Spike. He was none of those three. He was Xander. He would always tell her if she screwed up. He would love her and never betray her. And, she trusted him with her life. He would make her feel like a woman in love. She could be Buffy with him. 

Xander looked at her, deeply in thought. He could have watched her for hours, but his mind had just come up with a more interesting idea.

"Buff, remember the letter I wrote you?" 

"Yeah, the scheme letter, all part of the plan."

"It was used for the plan, but nothing I said in that letter was a lie."

"I know."

  
He gave her an evil smile. 

"Including the part where I wanted to throw you on the floor and make love to you. So, since we're already on the floor. I ask permission to make love to you."  
  
She laughed at the silly way he asked her. Then got very serious. She gave him a long, passionate kiss. 

"Permission granted."

The young people on the floor didn't see or hear anything from the outside world for a long time. They could only feel, taste and see each other. Both of them felt like they had finally come home.

The End  
  
  
  
  



End file.
